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What it took to crush my heart…


If I wanted to destroy a woman….

I wouldn’t use physical pain.  Women can get through almost anything; from forgetting about a paper cut,  to childbirth, to experiencing some of the worst trauma possible.  Nope, it wouldn’t destroy her.  Somehow she would just find the strength to keep going…


I wouldn’t use situational hardships.  Even women who consider themselves “weak” still can get through the hardest of times.  They have no choice; they are the glue that holds the family together.  They’ll “take it for the team” and stand in the way of any bullets being thrown at her and her family.  It would be foolish to think she would go down without a fight…. And what a fight she’d put up!


No, if I was to destroy a woman’s heart and crush her spirit I wouldn’t use those methods.  I’d go for something much more personal.   I’d hit her where it really hurts.  I’d destroy her through relationships.


  • I’d have someone she loves abandon her


  • I’d make her second guess herself by making her think everyone is talking about her


  • I’d have her best friend or closest relation betray her


  • I’d have her husband distance himself or replace her


  • I’d have her children defy her and rebel


  • I’d isolate her away from the world, making her feel she’s safe from being hurt from others, then watch her collapse in her own shell of loneliness.


  • I’d see that every person she has reached her arms out to in love would shrug her off.


  • I wouldn’t let anyone give her a friendly smile.  I’d have everyone pass her by with stone-cold faces only to glance at her when they needed her help.


  • I would make her feel like a victim; like she’s always giving and never receiving


  • I’d make her think she’s not good enough by having people deliberately leave her out of social outings.


  • I would be sure to have someone call her “fat” when she’s having a good day.


  • I’d have her keep believing that she doesn’t “fit” anywhere.


  • I’d use small, cutting remarks from a co-worker make her think she’s not smart enough for the promotion she’s been wanting.


Because I know that women are made to connect and thrive off meaningful conversations and fulfilling relationships.   If I can make them feel small and insignificant, I’ve got them right where I want them: ineffective and unproductive.  They’ll find purpose and joy in things they think will help; like shopping, facials, new shoes, a new hair-do, a special trip…. but it won’t work.  As long as I keep their loving hearts locked away from ever wanting to live the way I know they were created to live; to be earth’s problem solvers and nurturers, then I know that poverty will remain rampant, people will never come out of their brokenness, and hearts will never turn to a loving Heavenly Father.  The earth will remain unhealed, unloved and in desperate hope.  Offense will remain in the church, keeping it buried under judgment.  Status and elitism will remain to rule against the very heartbeat of Christ Himself.

All I have to do is hope they never figure out this tactic of mine.  If they did, things could really change….


*note to reader: this is clearly not me, Connie, wanting to destroy women.  It is written as a narrative from the enemy of our souls (just to clarify for you concrete-types)


Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.  If you want to make sure of keeping it intact,  you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.  Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.  But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change.  It will not be broken; instead it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. – CS Lewis

Categories: relationships
  1. jamie
    November 16, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    I am going through that right now. I don’t think there is a better phrase to use but being destroyed by relationships. I’ve been replaced by my husband…well, with multiple women and yet he keeps pulling me back in just to hurt me again through abandonment; I’ve lost friends; I’ve had people talking about me behind my back and subsequently influence my marriage; I feel not good enough and I feel isolated. It’s a hard reality to face. And as painful as it is, the only real choice I have is to try to pick myself up and say I’m not a bad person, I’ve just had to face a lot of bad things. It’s heartbreaking and it’s hard to see past.

    But if I can see the good and figure out how to heal the scars then hopefully I will have figured out how to never feel small and insignificant again.

  2. May 3, 2013 at 9:48 pm

    Good article! We will be linking to this great content
    on our website. Keep up the good writing.

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