Home > a new spirituality > To my worst enemy

To my worst enemy

Geesh, just leave me alone!  Stop constantly pointing out my every fault!  You make me question my intentions and second guess myself.   Just when I finally release my fear, you’re behind me feeding it right back into me.  You play on my weaknesses and cause me to question my strength.

I don’t appreciate your advice on friendship.  You make me think the world is against me, tempting me to scrutinize even good relationships.  You force me back into isolation and mistrust.    Your idea for me to raise the bar of people I accept is stupid.  Using others to get ahead isn’t something I want to consider.  I’m not interested in your opinions of those who have used me.  I don’t want to listen to your ideas of pushing them out of my life.

You mock when my fat pants don’t even fit.  You laugh at my constant attempts to focus on “being healthy” rather than being consumed with perfection.  You make me want to eat nothing…. or eat a whole cake, but then I know you’d just torture me all the more.   You’re always pointing out how lame my style is compared to others, making me believe if I just had more clothes, more makeup… and got rid of my buck teeth, I MAY just look ok.

I’m done with you nitpicking at every flaw on my face.   Yes, I have grey hair in my eyebrows.  Yes, I have a discolored tooth I can’t afford to fix yet.  Yes, I have huge front teeth and wrinkles.  STOP making me feel that I have to completely change my appearance to be acceptable!   I can’t even look at a picture of myself without you scoffing over my shoulder.

You betray me.  I’m walking away from you, even though you will stay with me forever.   I will learn to shut your voice out and allow God’s voice to replace you.  It may take me some time, but I will persevere.  When I see you in the mirror, I will choose to see past you and see with heaven’s eyes.  Your voice has become too strong in my life.  You’ve become  a god ruling over me.

It’s time to switch gods.

Categories: a new spirituality
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