Home > What my boys teach me about God > My son’s first day of kindergarden; What I expected? No….

My son’s first day of kindergarden; What I expected? No….

I may need a support group after the prep of getting my son… ok, ME, ready for kindergarden.    The back-to-school shopping in a crowded mall with my son spazzing out on the floor because he doesn’t want a blue hoodie, he wants a black one.  Should I pull the “kids in Africa have nothing” card?….   I choose not to go there.  After finally finding him the right size and “Ben-approved” indoor shoes, we book it out of the mall as fast as possible.  Van doors shut…. ahhhh.  I’m safe…. for now.


Step two: haircut.   Why did I chose Beaners, the busiest salon on the planet?  Everyone is getting their kids’ haircut.  I don’t like crowds, but I find myself in one heck of a crowd while my son goes ape in their ball pit.  I’ve been living off advil for a week due to baby’s non-stop crying.  Coffee has almost never left my side from sleepless nights with baby who is, yes, STILL crying.   Advil, earplugs, coffee and maybe even a little Zambuca….     And now, here I stand in the midst of chaos, in some sort of a comatose.   How did I get here?  I’m surrounded by umbrella moms who sound a lot like “Mr Rogers”.   I instantly notice how “matter-of-fact” I sound as a mom.  “Ok, no more ball pit, let’s go”.  Not anything like the sweet voices beside me saying; “Oookaaay sweety!  Two more minutes then we’ll go home and play dollies!”  Wow.


It’s the night before Kindergarden.  My son is calmly playing puzzles in the living room and I’m in the kitchen freaking out.   Am I forgetting anything?  Did they say to put large ziplock bags in the backpack or sandwich size?   I remember they asked for a box of kleenex!  Off to the store I run!  Which kleenex box??…. They all have flowers on them!  Don’t they have anything a little more “boyish”?  Oh for heaven’s sake, it’s a KLEENEX box,  just grab the cheapest one!  I can’t believe I even allowed myself to debate kleenex box design in my mind….


It’s kindergarden morning.  The morning I’ve known would come for five years.  It snuck up on me!  Call me crazy, but almost as much as I dreamed of my wedding day, I’ve imagined the day I would send my boy to kindergarden.  Pancakes and orange juice would be served first thing in the morning as we all happily would get ready for the big day.  My son would look like a Gap model.  I’d send him off to his class with a big hug and kiss and he would thank me for all the wonderful wisdom I bestowed on him the last five years. (one can dream right?)   Our scenario was much different.


All went well until we got to the school.  Ben’s a little neurotic about certain things.  This morning, it was his velcro on his shoes.  With socks on, the velcro didn’t reach to the very end.  It was the end of the world.  He threw his shoe in the hall, yelling, “I’m SO mad! That’s IT!  I’m not going to kindergarden!”  Moms are now looking at me wondering how I’ll respond.   “Ben, you can either put your shoe on calmly and I’ll walk you into your class, or you can stay on the ground and I’ll just turn around and leave”.  I was really hoping he would choose the calm route!  After some grumbling and even a growl, he got up with rolled eyes then declaring he had to use the washroom.   The boys bathroom was right there.  He didn’t want the boys bathroom.  He wanted to use the GIRLS bathroom just like he does all the time with mommy.   Oh man.  Of all the times in public he begs to use the men’s restroom NOW he DOESN’T want it??!   Repeat freak out with similar implications from momma.   I honestly don’t know where my son gets his aggressiveness from,  Hubby and I are pretty peaceful people!   By now, I’m getting the; “Oh he’s one of THOSE looks from the moms” (I could see the note-to-self: don’t let my kid play with that boy going on in their minds)


We finally get to the class door, greeted by the most wonderful teacher.   I’m a bit frazzled, but give her my best smile and gladly hand over my son to her care.   She hands me a package and I’m on my way.

On my way out I read the note enclosed:

Dear parent, For those who are having trouble letting go: thank you for entrusting  your child to me.  I promise to do my best every day to be your child’s companion in learning.  After you have wiped your tears, make yourself a warm cup of tea.  Put your feet up and relax…


Isn’t that sweet.  They had attached the note to a ziplock bag with a bag of herbal tea and a tissue (I assume for the tears).  However, I had no tears.  As I read the note, I laughed at my final moments with my son before class and how relieved I was to leave him and his “mood” in capable hands.  I had no trouble “letting go”… at least today.  Then had a moment of guilt as I watched the other moms use the tissue provided in the parking lot…


Things don’t always go as we envision; whether its our “perfect” vision of a first day of school, our wedding day, a pregnancy, marriage, new job…. or even velcro on a shoe.  But as we journey through our preferred images compared to reality, we can choose to keep movin’ despite.  We can create the best possible situation around us and then rest in contentment.  We can learn to let go of our obsession with perfection and desire for control.  We can become…. real.  We can embrace peace.   I can stop romanticizing and live in joy.


Besides, there’s always the first day of grade one….

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