Home > womanly stuff > Dear son, a letter from a broken mother

Dear son, a letter from a broken mother

Dear Son,

I sit here and reflect on our day together and how rough it has been.  How rough the last few months has been.   I’m drained and numb.  I’m sure as you sleep, you are needing relief from the same raw emotions.

 

I want you to know first beyond all else, that I love you.  I love you deeply.  There’s nothing I would not do to keep  you safe and to be sure that you are growing into the man God created you to be.

 

I never knew it would be this hard, but I am willing to fight to keep our family knit together.   I must admit, sometimes I’ve asked God if He’s sure I’m the right momma for you.  Most days, I feel so inadequate to raise you.  I want to be able to relate to you, but we are so very different.  Your intellectual mind is a lot for my artsy ol’ mind to wrap around.

 

I know we hit and miss a lot with how we think and how we express ourselves.   It must be hard being 4, oops, I mean “4 and three quarters”.  You’re such a big boy now.  You want to stretch your wings and fly, but you’re still so young.  I know its hard to understand why I don’t just let you do everything you see other kids doing.   It hurts me to see you upset at me, thinking I’m just trying to be mean.   I promised when I became your mom almost 5 years ago, that I would raise you to be a strong man who loves God and loves people.  Some things in this world just don’t cultivate those things  in our  hearts…. they actually destroy it.   One day you’ll understand this.  I hope till then, you can know that I’m out for your very best, not to wreck your fun.

 

I want you to develop a grateful heart.  You have so many amazing things that we have bought for you to bless you.  It breaks my heart when you don’t think its as good as what the neighbors have, and when you demand more.   I have responded in anger, when hurt was what I was truly feeling.   I am sorry for my reaction.  It pains me that you believe your life would be better somewhere else just because others have better or more things.  Those words cut me deep, son.   Toys and gadgets will fade, but family will remain.  I pray that the love of our family will grow to be of great value to you.  Together we are strong.  On our own we stagger and can be swept away.

 

I may not always be the best mom in your eyes, but I promise you son, I will always fight for you, cheer for you, believe in you, pray for you, do what’s best for you, make hard choices for you, sacrifice for you, and develop you.  That doesn’t mean you’ll like me.  It will be harder if you resent me, but I will do it regardless.

 

You have been my greatest challenge, but also my greatest reward…. and my greatest honor.    I am blessed that God has trusted you into my care.  I don’t take that responsibility lightly.

 

I adore you from the deepest part of my soul.

Love,

Your Momma

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Categories: womanly stuff
  1. Charlene
    June 25, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    Dearest Connie,
    You made me cry. What an honest letter to your son. I value your honesty. One day when he is older and has a family of his own he will understand this letter & how filled with love it is. He will understand how you parented & why you parented the way you do/did. You are a wonderful Mom Connie – NEVER forget that!! May God bless you with extra pockets of Joy today!!
    Love & Prayers,
    Charlene

  2. June 25, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    Sometimes as Grandparents I wonder when we can say something and hopefully be a blessing. Most of the time we just watch and keep quiet – as we see friends make their blunders in life – without restraint. And it is good to see you learning both restraint and discipline Connie.

    Maybe Martha and I (Desi)are too old fashioned — when we raised our children it wasn’t matrerial things – or constantly buying things — we didn’t have the money we didn’t spend. At one point in the late 1970s we had credit cards — and we burnt them all as a result of personal debt crisis – and had to live according to what we had and not what we did not have. There weren’t a 101 Dvds and toys that did not bring our children close to God. The allowance the children got was memorizing scriptures – and we have done the same thing with the orphans we have worked with in Africa as well. At first it was maybe small scriptures portions as Children are amazing when it comes to memorizing scripture.

    Later on when they were in school they memorized etire passages — like Phillipian chapter 2 – one passage every month. Our own children – they both got a dollar allowance once they knew the passage by heart.

    We also had a savings account for them – we bought them Canada Savings bonds — and later one they had like several hundred dollars each – and that money later on came in handy for them.

    When Reuben decided to go to Bible College – we paid the first years tuition completely as an answer to his prayers. I did not know he was thinking about going until I spoke up and told him about this.

    What would it be like not to use credit cards any more — like pay cash at the pumps for gas and everything else, if there was no money you just did not spend. We did that right through from the late 1970s and through the 1980s and got ourselves right out of debt: What a blessing! Now we do use credit card – but we have learned over the years to live within our means – and we do not overspend – the charges are paid off everymonth – and nothing over to get deeper in debt with unneccesary interest charges.

    Our nations are all in a serious debt crises — they are ready to crumble like mud flowing down a drenched mountain side in a major rain storm and absolutely nothing to stop them.

    Today New York City has just legalzied same sex partners — and the celebrations going on: — Yes we are living in the last of the last days – even as Jesus said — and may the Lord truly help us to cultivate the things that are most important to Him – and not to us — KNOWING HIM AND TO KNOW HIM FACE TO FACE IS A GIANT CHALLENGE – to be conformed into the image of Jesus Christ and not what the world thinks and not the way the world is going. Blessings and love from us, and our prayers are with you guys every single day, Love Desi nd Martha Jakab

  3. June 25, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    This is my heart too…my daughter is getting old enough to realize we do things differently than other families. I hate the thought of her feeling like she is missing out on the things her friends have, but I care so much more about her heart!

  4. June 25, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    Dear Connie, this letter made me sad. But your love for your son really shows and I know he’ll see it one day. You’re a great mom and God knows you can handle this cause he’ll never test you beyond what you’re capable of. Wow that means you’re a really tough Connie!!

  5. Barb Bulteel
    June 26, 2011 at 12:14 am

    Keep up the Good work and don’t change a thing. You are a awesome mom and God has a plan for Bens life. i pray he will become the man of God that The Lord has designed from the beginning.

    Love you

    Barb

  6. Belinda
    June 26, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    Ah Connie! One day your son will rise up and call you blessed….. ours have! He will one day know that you have done everything you have out of love for him. It is very hard when we seem to be the villains when all we want to do is the very best for our children and teach them to do right. We were not able to let ours have everything the other children had as I was a stay at home mum…. they weren’t allowed to watch some of the same programmes on the telly or have sleep overs without us knowing who the families were and having met the parents and known their values. But we stuck to our guns and although we weren’t perfect ( there were not many nights I went to bed thinking wow what a great mum I’ve been today)…. both our boys have said they were grateful.

    Hang in there…. in a nano second he will be going off to high school or even college and the godly values you have instilled in him will be his compass in difficult circumstances. He will have his head screwed on the right way and will make wise choices… sometimes…..eventually….. and you will be very, very glad you did not compromise!

    May God bless you as you pour his values into the children he has loaned you…. and they will come to see God clearly because of your tough, yet tender love in action.

  7. Maria
    June 26, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    just yesterday mine kept asking for toys and saying how great their life would be with a wii. So, I told them that if we moved into a dumpster we could have a wii….I showed them the dumpster at the school where we could go to….and then I said we can live at our house without a wii for a little while (maybe Christmas) or we could sell our house, buy a wii and move into the dumpster. They thought it would be a bit squish in the dumpster and then figured maybe having a roof over our head instead of a wii might be a better life.

    We give them so much and it is hard for us to hear the sin manifesting in their lives but I guess God has to work on their hearts as much as he does in ours….luckily we have been living with it and God has been showing us how to deal with it for much longer than our kids which is why we are their parents :0) I hope this encourages you today to keep up the good fight.

  8. June 26, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    Oh Connie I love this post. You have so clearly articulated all the deficiencies and inadequacies I feel as a parent too. Thank God these babies of ours sleep so that we can look in on them resting so peacefully and remember why we love them and why we make the choices we make for them and why we’re going to keep on keepin’ on. Love your realness, love your heart.

  9. June 30, 2011 at 3:23 am

    Such raw honesty. We all need to be able to admit that we feel the same at times too. Thank you for this.

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