Home > a new spirituality > Status anxiety, some of my deepest insecurities

Status anxiety, some of my deepest insecurities

What is it?  Anxiety that takes us over when we focus on how others view us.  I’m about to share my deepest insecurities with you, but first lets cover some groundwork.

 

Alain de Bottom started this phrase and wrote about it in his book (seriously, that’s his name…. no wonder he thought of this phrase!).  He says status anxiety results from various cultural factors in our society:

 

Today lets focus on the first: Lovelessness: wanting to be loved and have others think well of us – especially our peers.

 

A few weeks ago we had a speaker at our church who spoke about 2 kinds of people; those who lived out of LOVED and those who live out of SELFED.

 

Those who live from LOVED, are secure.   Their actions flow out of a “no-agenda, no strings attached” attitude.  They give because they are loved, not to see what they can get in return.  They are adventurous because they have confidence from knowing they are loved.  They aren’t afraid of risks; what is there to lose when you’re loved?!  They are selfless and others-focused because they are FREE to be that way.  They have nothing to prove to you.  They are completely safe in themselves and the love that envelops them.

 

Those who live from SELFED are quite different.  They are constantly insecure about…. everything.  They seek others approval.  They question themselves consistently.  They need people around them that will feed their status.  They give to others out of a desire to be giving but deep within, it’s given out of insecurity.   The issue with living out of SELFED is that there is great desire to do good, be kind and considerate and loving, but it can’t manifest in its pure form because of the root of where its coming from.  There is a desire to serve, but when that “service” doesn’t feed status of some sort, the desire eventually fades.

 

Everyone wants to live out of the LOVED.  I sure do.  But more often than not, I find myself back living out of the SELFED.   As of late, I have struggled with so much insecurity!! I’m insecure about; my weight, feelings of “am I good enough?”, I’m a “jack of all trades, master of none” making me wish I could nail SOMETHING well!, My motherhood skills as I deal with a very challenging boy, my intensity (freaks people right out), my personality quirks (there’s a ton), my speaking voice (I find it annoying).  My fears of making mistakes, getting shut out, getting criticized, being misunderstood, rejection, friends checking out (realizing I’m not as “good” as they thought), getting fired from a job, being abandoned by family,  and my own stupid ignorance that just gets me in trouble.

 

That’s a LOAD of insecurity! And that’s just what’s been mulling for the past few months!!!

 

So how do you break free from the SELFED life into the LOVED life?  Speaker, Steve Fry, gave this antidote: you repent.  “Excuse me?”   Yes, you repent.  Not from “sin” (insert evil tone), but from your victim-mentality.  From coming from such a self-focus.   Clearly God has poured out nothing but love and acceptance into our lives through Christ.  To lived out of the SELFED is to say to Him; “Your sacrifice was good for everyone else, but not for me.  I need to take care of this on my own.  Your blood means nothing…”   OUCH!  Is that really what we’re saying?  Maybe not out of our mouths but through our actions.

 

Imagine, for a moment, that you are a young child in a rich, grassy field.  You haven’t been tainted by the world.  Your innocence penetrates every step.  The Father is right beside you.  The sun is shining and the hills look radiant.   He embraces you then lovingly encourages you to run.   Beloved, how do you run?   From His love, what does it look like to run through those fields and hills with such love in your heart?  What does it feel like?

 

Run free.  You are LOVED.  Now lets LIVE LOVED.

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Categories: a new spirituality
  1. Charlene Z
    June 21, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    I LOVED that messave & what you said here is something that has been needed to be said. I appreciate your honesty & value your friendship. God Bless you my friend!

  2. June 22, 2011 at 3:50 am

    I’m so learning this…I often feel mis-understood, and my intensity freaks people right out too! I struggle with wanting people to know the “real” me…but not trusting enough that God does and that’s what matters. And of course the mommy curse…the more I compare myself to other moms the more I wrap my self worth up in things it shouldn’t be in.

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