Home > a broken journey > My struggle with forgiveness

My struggle with forgiveness

Today, I was thinking about the people and situations in my life that lately are related to my need to forgive.  If you asked me strait out: “Do you need to offer forgiveness?”, I’d probably say; “No”.  But if I think about it more, yes I do – it’s just it doesn’t look like what I thought.  Bear with me, friend, till the end.

To me, forgiveness has always been something you release when something wrong is done to you.   And better do it right away or….. or…… well, I just know I should do it right away!  I was never told how to forgive or what forgiveness is, I was just told to do it.

We carry the need for forgive more than we think.  From the car who just cut us off all the way to the abuse we can find ourselves in.

So, forgiveness…. what exactly IS it?  What does it look like?  If you could paint a picture of it, what would you see?

I’m not sure why, but my instant visual is a wrestling match: it’s a struggle, a choice.  It’s not clean-cut and exact.  It’s messy.  It takes courage to face.  Its easier to ignore but when you do, bitterness grows like a weed.

So what about the ones who have experienced the deep pain?  What happens with forgiveness then?  The problem is we see abuse and having someone say, lie to us or steal something of ours, on different playing fields.  God sees them on the same.  Not because of the action, but the intention of the heart is the same.  God judges the root before the action.  We have a hard time forgiving “big” stuff because we’re looking strictly at the action and not roots.

Forgiveness happens when we come to discover that we are capable of the same in our heart.  It may not manifest in us how it acted out for them, but the root is the same.   When it comes to abusive situations, we want justice. And our sense of justice isn’t just.  If someone steals my phone I can make myself feel better thinking about the “karma” that’s gonna give them what they deserve.  We feel better if we can believe what goes around comes around.  (ie: They’ll get what’s coming to them).  Yet this mindset goes in the exact opposite direction that forgiveness challenges us to take.

It would be hard for a victim of abuse to see themselves behaving like the one who abused them.   I personally know people who have experienced abuse that they should not have endured.   These people are good people, not monsters.   Hurt people can either hurt people OR forgive and see their lives move on to see a more healthy day.

The question to those who have decided to hold back forgiveness is: how is that going for you?   Are you free?  Or are you still playing the scenario in your mind over and over again?   How many years has it been?  Do you think the other party is thinking about this as much as you?  Probably not.  This can fuel your anger, or you can realize that withholding forgiveness and the ability to let go is actually hurting YOU not them.   To not forgive will cost you years, and the one you hold it against, nothing.

So what IS forgiveness?  What’s the best place to find out?  The Word.   To forgive (as in us giving it to others) in the Greek means: cry, forsake, lay aside, leave, put away, yield up.

So friend, no matter the extent of what has happened to you;

Every time you cry out to Pappa God in brokenness, God is healing you.   

When you forsake the desire to get even, you forgive.  

When you lay aside hard feelings, you forgive.  

When you leave behind your grief, you forgive.   

When you put away your revenge and hatred, you forgive.  

And when you continually, daily “yield up” your will once again to the Creator and offer to Him your broken humanity, allowing HIM to work in you, you find out what forgiveness looks like through His eyes.


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Categories: a broken journey
  1. May 19, 2011 at 2:36 am

    Thank-You-Connie:
    We-All-Need-That–Love-Dad-and-Mom-Too-
    Love-you-all-very-Much!

  1. July 25, 2011 at 1:14 pm

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