Home > relationships > When you’ve been hurt

When you’ve been hurt

I don’t think there’s one person on the planet who hasn’t been hurt by someone at some point.    Hurt ranging from betrayal, backstabbing, gossip, to subtle disconnect with intention of being left out.


If you’re like me, you take things to  heart easily.   It’s my downfall.  I care about people.  When its not returned, it hurts.   But here’s something I’ve discovered about those who have hurt me….


They’ve all been people I’ve placed expectations on.

They’ve all been people I cared about deeply and longed for it to be reciprocated.

They’ve been people I have entrusted my inner self to.


Here’s the thing about being hurt:  A complete stranger could say something cutting to me and yes, it would effect me for a moment, but I would very quickly brush it off.  But someone I know and care about?  THAT’S very different.


When people hurt you, it makes you feel isolated and alone.  There can be 50 supportive friends in the room who love you, but that ONE person in the corner who gave you a wrong look or a bad vibe…. well they just made the other ones disappear.


Here’s the deal ladies: we gotta see the situation for what it is, deal with our emotions and carry on.


First, we need to stop placing expectations on others to bring us significance and meaning.  I’ll never forget one summer when I placed too much expectation on a team I was leading.  We were like “family”, but unfortunately, we didn’t always come through like “family”.   I was so hurt at times just by my own unrealistic expectations on my team to love unconditionally.   We can’t expect our relationships to be perfect.  We can’t expect too much out of other fellow, “fallen”. humans.


We need to love with no price-tag.  We need to give it, even if we know that it won’t be returned.   Imagine Jesus had the attitude to only love if it promised return?…..   Another “defining” moment in my life was when I personally blessed someone who had cut me deep.  I spoke words of life and love to their face knowing that deep inside, their motives towards me were less than worthy.


It is so tempting to build a wall that no man can penetrate to protect our emotions, but that backfires.   I can empathize with those who have poured their inner soul out to someone only to find betrayal as a result.   The reaction: the wall gets higher and thicker.  However, do you know what you are when you’ve built your wall as high and as thick as it can go around you?…… alone, and loneliness sucks.


Those who hurt you aren’t thinking about “you”, they are responding to what’s going on inside them.   Most maybe wouldn’t even be aware if they found out they had hurt you.


Here’s something important to note: no matter how much you think a person’s reaction towards you is about YOU, it’s not.   It’s about them, their insecurities, fears, and processes.   But of course, when rejection looks us in the face, not only is it easy to take it personally, it creates a damaging self-doubt that honestly isn’t healthy….


….. because if someone can make you feel something is “wrong” with you, you will shrink.  You’ll be tempted to cower.  And if you have any desire to step out, you’ll start re-thinking, constantly questioning yourself and your ability.


Be free, my friend, from others.  Be free from constantly questioning yourself and what others are thinking when you seem to hit resistance.     As long as you stay ignorant to rejection’s deception you remain ineffective.


Love without limit.


Categories: relationships
  1. michelle
    April 26, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    powerful words…thanks Connie for your inspiring insight!

  2. April 26, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    Wow, thanks Connie, I really needed to read this today. Perfect timing. I really like that last line.

  3. July 12, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    Thank you Connie!! There is a person like this in my life! A burden I have carried for way to long!! I need to be reminded to just love and to just be the person God made me!

  4. TP
    July 12, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    Thank you. It is as if you wrote this just for me today.

  1. July 12, 2011 at 12:52 pm

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