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I need you

I’m going to tell you something about me that most people don’t know.  Why am I willing to do this?  Because I feel it may help someone.

I started a new book last night called, “Nurture” by Lisa Bevere.   I wasn’t sure what it was about, but my friend gave it to me and I was excited to have a new book!    The emotions I felt after reading the first chapter were very raw and exposed.

The chapter was talking about women supporting each other in the various causes they feel compelled to pursue to make a difference in.    I’m not sure if you got that, but lets just break that down shall we?

Women.  Supporting each other.

Us women are fickle aren’t we?  Lets be honest.  We support when we want and with hold support when we want.    We support or with hold based on what protects the territory we feel we own.  If that territory is threatened, we are threatened.  If that territory isn’t threatened, we are amazing supporters!  We are more influential than we know.  We hold the power to make something happen for someone….. or not.

I know I’m not alone when I say that I have found it hard to enter into friendships with women.   Many openly admit to feeling the same.   I am willing to admit to you today that for every time I have felt the sting of another woman’s threatened heart….. it has hurt, and hurt me deep.    It at times has been so bad, I have held back what I desired to do because I couldn’t take the rejection.  Other times I have stepped out despite, only to   finish in tears, overwhelmed by the loneliness.

I have been told I come across quite confident, so those who I have trusted this information with are often shocked.   But I think deep inside, we all find it hard to put your whole heart and soul into something, only to find encouragement held back out of insecurity or just plain ignorance.

Deep in my heart there is a cry that I believe echoes in the heart of every woman: “Someone please believe in me!”   Encouragement gives wings; wings to fly and excel beyond imagination.

Imagine for a minute what it would look like if women let go of their “territory” and/or comparisons and cheered and championed one another?   Can you feel the energy surge of potential?  Can you hear the chains of fear dropping to the floor?  Can you see the barriers of indifference losing its grasp?

There was a man who dreamed for this and wrote about it to a group of believers:

In light of all this, here’s what I want you to do. While I’m locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don’t want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don’t want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. (Ephesians 4:1-3)

He was encouraging those fearful to stop holding back!  Another version says:  “Walk in a manner worthy of God’s calling”.    I find everyone desires to do this.   Everyone wants to make a difference.   So what would cause someone with desire to sit around on their hands, strolling off onto paths that go nowhere?

You guessed it: they lack the “how” and people to cheer them on.  Even I recently found myself saying to God; “I want to live a life worthy of my calling, but its hard to step out when I feel beat down or, at times, misheard or ignored”.   So what does Paul say is the key?

And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences. 

You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who rules over all, works through all, and is present in all. Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness. (Eph 4:3-6)

He challenges them to:

  • walk in humility and discipline
  • steadily POUR themselves into EACH OTHER in acts of love.  This would include those who they found threatening (in fact, it’s often those God is putting in front of us as a challenge to get over ourselves and love despite our insecurity…)
  • to realize that yes, there will be differences between you and others,  but be active in “mending fences”.    In other words: keep support flowing out of your very core into others – even if they’re “different” or threatening to you.
  • realize that we are all called to walk the same road.  We all have the same goal, so whatever gets the job done, be of one mind to reach it.   Paul goes further than just to say; stay together on the outside but also on the INSIDE.  That means a little heart surgery in each of us to freely love and uphold others – even at our expense.  (ouch)

This is what God expects of us.  Does it happen without flaw?  Unfortunately, it doesn’t.     And its our fallenness to God’s perfect plan that causes the hurt, mistrust, betrayal, and jealousy.  Its when we act out our humanity, and build walls around our hearts, that the very goal we all are striving for is in jeopardy.

So what do you do?  What do you do when you feel you want to step out but all you feel is opposition from others?

Do it anyways.   And look around.  There is always someone cheering.  It’s hard to see them if you’re focused only on the crowd with no pom-poms.   And while you’re looking around, see if you can see others who need some cheers.  They may be feeling the same as you.  Do everything you can to encourage them.

YOU can start the change that may just be the difference in someone else’s potential being unleashed.

“We are heartsick and in need of intimate, safe connections so we can in turn heal and help others. There are connections we need to actively search out and begin to develop.  It’s time to recognize each other and begin to connect for strength and purpose”  (Lisa Bevere, Nurture)

Categories: relationships
  1. Miranda Himmelspeck
    April 18, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    Connie, I believe in you! You are so talented and beautiful. You have a soft and obedient heart and are doing an amazing job of serving the Lord. You are a shining example to many.

  2. marci holmquist
    April 18, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    WOW!! Thanks Connie that was amazing stuff. Just what I needed to hear…. as I am dealing with some great difficulties in my own life right now. There is nothing better than having that cheering squad, even if it’s a squad of one. Now I know that I need to be and can be that squad…. for someone, then maybe there will be others who will catch the vision as well. Thanks for your honesty and your words of wisdom. It’s a great way to begin Monday!!

  3. Charlene Z
    April 18, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    Beatuiful. Well said. Thank you Connie, Thank you!

  4. April 19, 2011 at 1:18 am


    Not too long ago I totally withheld my support, my words of encouragement, from someone when I felt my territory was being challenged. I knew I was being stupid and jealous and petty and small-minded and I didn’t want to be those things but I also didn’t battle the feelings very successfully at all. When I finally was able to make what I considered the right choice and emailed her a congratulations it was only outwardly the right choice. On the inside I was still dying and feeling like somehow her success was taking away mine – even though it isn’t comparable and shouldn’t be compared!

    What a good reminder, what a great check for my spirit. Thank you so much for posting this and sharing your own raw and vulnerable journey!

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