Home > The heart of a worshipper > How to kill your heart

How to kill your heart

It’s the end of a typical Tuesday/Thursday. Rushing off to work, making sure Ben’s got all he needs for preschool.  Picking up from preschool to rush off to karate.   After karate it’s a quick trade of dropping off Ben to Reuben while I head off to teach dance for the evening.


I need a coffee just thinking about it.  Sometimes I wake up on Tuesdays and Thursdays  wanting to hide under my covers because I know what insanity is about to take place…


But wait a minute?  Who MADE that schedule?  I did!  I put Ben in preschool and Karate!  I knew I had to work in the morning and evening…. I CREATED that insanity!


Us moms do that.  We want our kids to have the best experiences and education so we pack our week full of activities of preschool, swimming, karate, piano, soccer, hockey… and the list goes on.    Before we know it, every day has been filled with endless van rides and we find ourselves exhausted at the end of the day.


Even those who stay home find the days can just rush by in a swarm of hussle and bussle taking care of a toddler and baby at home.  Washing, cleaning, cooking, making sure the baby doesn’t fall down the stairs (again) or get into the liquid drayno while keeping the other eye on the toddler who loves to get into the sparkle glue….


You don’t have to be a mom to relate to this.  Young adults, men at work, teens…. we all relate.


As we throw ourselves on the couch after a long day we hear that small voice in the back of our minds calling to us….. “come near”.   What was that?   What does my child want now?  Just before we get up, we hear it again….. “come near”.  It’s not our kids, it’s not our husband, it’s God calling out to us.


Oh its HIM!  Geesh!  I haven’t given Him much thought today.  There’s just been no time.


If there’s one thing I’ve found as a mom of young kids, is that my spiritual life has sure had to look different.   Before kids, I would lay on my bed with my Bible, concordance and commentaries and study the day away.  The only one to contend with was my dog who liked to sit on all my papers.   Now it feels like I relate to God the way this time of life has me interacting with my hubby: quickly and in passing.  This is not a guilt trip, it’s just the way it is.  God knows that.  However, I think instead of being creative of still including Him in our lives and in the lives of our kids and family, its easier to just let the relationship go.


I was chatting with some fellow dance artists about a piece they did about being too busy.  They took the word: “busy” and researched it.   Did you know that in Chinese it means “heart killing”??


When we clutter our lives with too much, it kills our inner heart.   We gravitate towards busying ourselves with various activities and then fit God in when it can work.  Maybe we need to pause, refocus and START with God and allow everything else to line up behind Him?   This may sound “too spiritual”, but it all comes down to what we are going to value in our lives.  Do we want our lives to be fruitful for His kingdom or wasted by earthly activities that will be forgotten?  Do we want our kids to be busy in all sorts of activities or do we want to build strong, future leaders who will follow Christ through the storms of life?


This means we have to smash all our previous thinking of how our spirituality plays out in our daily lives.   We have to remove the unrealistic thinking that we can study the Bible indepth or pray for hours in this phase of life.  Yet we know that it’s important, so what CAN work?   Well, I can listen to a book CD in the van, I can pray as I go throughout my day (which I believe is more what prayer is about in the first place…), I can read for 10 min at the end of my day, I can have time teaching my kids about God, I can deliver food to someone in need and bring my kids so they get to know what following Christ looks like in daily life….. the creativity and options are endless.


The heart grows stagnant and dull when it’s not drawing near to God and giving His love out.  You can’t do everything but you can do something!


If we don’t continue to grow our hearts in dedication to the Savior we claim to serve showing our faith in fruitful works, it kills our heart.


If you find yourself in a state of feeling…. distant from God or if you find that you feel you haven’t grown spiritually in awhile it’s time to take action.  We don’t have to settle for the mundane life.   We CAN continue to see our hearts blossom even during the hectic season of motherhood.


Don’t lose your first love.  Don’t kill your heart with meaningless busy-ness.

You have too much kingdom potential to see it wasted!


“I see what you’ve done, your hard hard work, your refusal to quit.  I know you can’t stomach evil….. I know your persistence, your courage in my cause, that you never wear out.  But you have walked away from your first love (Me)  Why?  What’s going on with you anyway?  Do you have any idea how far you’ve fallen?  Turn back!  Recover your dearly love! (Me) No time to waste”.  (Revelation 2:1-4)


If you can’t hear God maybe you need to stop rushing, talking and try some more listening, stillness has a purpose too! – Cheri Gambill


We manufacture the soundtrack that drowns out the voice of God in your life. Press pause instead of play and see what happens. – Tim Schindel


  1. Laurel
    March 11, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    Excellent post Connie!!

  2. March 11, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Connie your write ups get people thinking and pointing them in the right direction: We live in a crazy world.

    When Reuben and Randy were 12 and 13 years old – and had just moved the family to Toronto – God began to dig into my heart and life like He never had done before. He said to me in January 1986 -#1. “Be even as Jesus unto the people” – what a shock that was — I argued with God — “That is so unfair, Jesus is Jesus – I am not Jesus!” That was apparently the Early church’s qualification for leadership, to be even as Jesus in their love light life and the example of God’s anointing and life manifested in them — all through the power of God’s Holy Spirit, and to walk even as He (Jesus) walked.

    #2. Then the next two weeks – I said to God — as I had finally got one of the best jobs I ever had in my life — “Please leave me here until Jesus comes” I did not care if I did not preach another message or go on missions trips or pastor — Just leave me here until…

    As I said this to the Lord 3 times in the two week period — Immediately THE HOLY SPIRIT REBUKED ME — all 3 times and He said: “Labor not for the meat or bread that perishes” Did this mean drop everything -quit your job — No, no no. But He was saying we can be so busy with things we do not give God the quality time we need to truly come to know Him.

    #3. Casual aquaintance is not knowing Him – any more than it is knowing someone in the natural.

    One of the regrets I have is I wish I could have spent quality time with our children when they were younger – like do things with them: things that interested them. Martha was good in this area — she was their friend and many times in their teen years she would get out of bed when they came home from young people’s and would sit there talking with them. QUALITY TIME! Get to know your children and get them to know God people, they will be out of the nest sooner than you think!

    God’s order is and always has been: SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS, AND ALL THESE THIGS WILL BE ADDED UNTO YOU — FOOD, SHELTER, CLOTHES ON OUR BACKS, ETC., will all be taken care of — and yet it has taken me years to get my focus right and priorities right!
    For people who do not understand me – this is my quest — and spend literally days, hours and weeks and even months seeking Him — That He may be able to manifest His Pure Love, Light and His Life within me: This is my heart. James 4:5 tells us “He God is ever so jealous over all that He has deposited into us of His own life and light — and desires that everything in us will desire to glorify only Him and Him alone.
    Love dad Jakab

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