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Spit it out

Women and talking….. they go together.  There’s nothing like a good chat with a friend.  There’s nothing like talking through things that are happening at the present time – things that are good, things that you’re processing….. it’s just good to talk.   After a good gab with a girlfriend I feel refreshed, more ready to face my day.


However, us gals sometimes struggle with the line between venting and gossip.   Sometimes the things we’re going through involve others.  So how do we work through things without stepping over the line into gossip territory?   I’ve found myself many times in a conversation where I’ve stepped over the line and then wondered after; “How’d that happen?  I didn’t mean to do that!”.  Then I feel bad.  Easy to do, isn’t it?…. or am I the only one??


However, there have been times I have struggled with actually wanting to be spiteful!  There, I said it.  That’s hard to admit because us girls do everything with the best intentions.  But in a couple of cases I’ve known full well my intentions were nothing but selfish and full of pride.


The times it has happened in my life was when I was threatened by another female – a female who just seemed to “perfect”.   Someone who was good at everything I’m good at and/or would want to be good at.   Someone who seemed to have the perfect family, house, kids, talent, perfect…. everything!   Someone I felt inferior too.


God is funny because in the only few cases in my life where I’ve found myself in this position, He makes sure she’s everywhere I go.   And He doesn’t stop there.  He makes sure she’s mentioned in many conversations I have with different people who have NO CLUE how I’m struggling.  They compliment her, leaving me tempted to say something to downplay how “wonderful” she is.   I wish I could say I always overcame those feelings, but the truth is that a few times I gave in, saying something that would make her not seem so great.   Immature?  yes.  Insecure?  Oh ya.   Stupid?  You know it…


In those moments I knew exactly what I was doing and after had to face God with my head down and a big “sorry….. BUT WHY DO YOU KEEP BRINGING HER UP???”


I know why He kept bringing her up: to show me the condition of my heart.


How do we know the condition of our hearts?

“The mouth speaks from that which fills the heart. Luke 6:35”

What I speak shows a lot about my heart condition.  Clearly, these situations showed how insecure I was in myself.  Its one thing to feel insecure, it’s another thing to become so consumed by it to feel the need to talk another person down.


We need to let go of our insecurities and allow every woman to be who she is: seemingly perfect, gifted, popular or weak and broken.  Everyone deserves that.


So, how did I overcome?  God dealt with me and gave me a challenge.   He told me to bless those girls in my mind.  Every time I though of them I had to think something good about them.   But He wasn’t finished, He asked me to compliment them  (sincerely) whenever I could.   I argued with God about that.  I thought for sure they didn’t need more “ego boost”.    But it did something in me….  it caused me to see that they didn’t get all the praise I thought they did.  They actually needed the encouragement!   And it transformed my threatened heart into a compassionate heart.  All of a sudden, she wasn’t so bad.  I might have even grown to like her….


The moral of the story?  Spit it out.  Spit out the compliments to those you struggle with feeling inferior too.  Spit out agreements when others praise them in front of you.  Spit out blessings on those who have even spoken badly about you!  And THROW OUT the inferiority only you have created by comparing yourself.  YOU have value too you know 🙂


“Wise women know what to let go of & what to hang on to” – Lisa Bevere

Categories: womanly stuff
  1. laura meilleur
    March 9, 2011 at 3:01 pm

    Bravo Connie! This topic really needs to be visited over and over again for all of us. Sometimes we use prayer requests as a vehicle to get the conversation started.

    Blessing them instead of cursing them is a great trade! Thank you for being so honest adnd transparent.

    Love you much

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