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I don’t fit

Today, in regards to cultivating our hearts, do you ever find yourself wondering where you fit?  I ask myself that all the time.   I’m a bit quirky.  I’m a visionary who drives people who like the status quo nuts.  I can come across like I got it together which makes people keep their distance (because who honestly wants to hang out with someone who has it all together?!), then when people see I don’t have it all together, they can overlook me….

 

Ever feel like that?

 

Not too long ago I was in a kickboxing class (one of my new favorite things!)   The instructor had us line up along each wall then walk to the middle of the gym.  Whoever was directly in front of us was our partner.  I was right in the middle of my row and walked to the middle of the gym only to find that somehow the waters had parted. Everyone had a partner except me!  How’d that happen?  I got stuck with the instructor who kicked my butt.    A lady came up to me after and said; “Don’t take it personally if no one wants to be your partner in this class. It’s not you, it’s because you’re short and they’re all tall and naturally like to partner with other tall people”…… was that supposed to make me feel better?

 

Its amazing how in those moments you’re rushed right back to grade 8 and the same feelings of insecurity.   I was quite the ugly duckling.  I was overweight and had massive buck teeth that stuck out of my mouth.  They would soon have a layer of metal on top in efforts to fix it.  Great, silver buck teeth… nice.  I longed to be one of the pretty girls who always seemed to have endless amounts of friends and guys admiration.   There I stood overlooked.   I went through all Junior High and Senior High like that.    Looking back, I’m so thankful for the ugly duckling status.   As much as the rejection was horrible, it saved me from what a “pretty” friend told me her teen years were like.  Shallow friends who only used her for popularity.  Guys who constantly used and abused her just for her beauty.  Man, that’s horrible!  I’m not sure which is the lesser evil.

 

Whatever our past, it can still effect us in our adult life, even though we think it shouldn’t.  You’d think after 20 years since high school graduation, the insecurity would leave, yet it’s still there trying to control my every move.

 

So here we are, still trying to constantly find where we fit.   Same as grade 8 but just more “adult-looking”.

 

I read a great tweet a few weeks ago saying, “Stop trying to fit!  You were never meant to!”   Could it be that we were never meant to fit anywhere?   Could it be that we waste an enormous amount of time trying to find ourselves in the right circle of friends or in the perfect job, church, situation, etc – when really we were never meant to get all comfy “fitting”.

 

Fact of the matter is, when we stop trying to fit we ironically find our place.  We find our voice.  We find where we make the best contribution to others and society.  If everyone was like you or like me, nothing would happen – just a lot of the same.

 

The thing with breaking out into “yourself” and being ok with YOU is that you’ll notice you all of a sudden you stand out like a sore thumb (or so it will seem).   Because all your “clones” have now disappeared and you’re left exposed.  This is where most women quit and go back to the safety of the norm.

 

When you step out from just choosing to “fit in”, you’ll ruffle some feathers.  Some may not like it because you’re disturbing the peace of the clone-life.  Are you ok with that?  You’ll need to toughen up a little bit and let a whole load of useless opinions roll off your back. (much easier said than done)

 

I feel a burden in my heart today for God’s women.  Young women in school, young adult women in university or their job, moms with young kids just struggling to juggle diapers and toddlers.  Women who ask themselves; “Is there more than this?”  Women who know that life can’t just be about what plays out in front of them day in and day out.

 

I feel the burden to call you out of the mundane, out of the clones and into something significant.  Something that impacts not just today or tomorrow but generations to come.

 

It’s time.  It’s time to not fit.  It’s time to find your unique voice.  It’s time to do what you do best.  It’s time for you to think about what impact you make when you’re not fitting in.  It’s time to step out and see what an Almighty God can do with an ordinary life.  Do you dare?

 

Is that scary?  Very.   Is it lonely?  Sometimes.    Does it feel vulnerable?  If we let it.   But check out what God says:

 

For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His. (2 Chronicles 16:9)

 

Step out.  Step out.  Step out.  I want to say it again, but how about this: break out.  Break out of your fear and see for yourself that God STRONGLY supports those who’s heart is completely his.

 

Cultivate your heart to be completely His and rise up.  Enough of the things that hold you back.  Be done with it.  There are people who need what you have.  There are lives that you can touch.   You have something someone needs!

 

It’s time to not fit….. and be ok with it.

 

 

You can be a big idiot on earth but a huge hero in heaven. – Len Sweet

 

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Categories: womanly stuff
  1. March 8, 2011 at 10:40 pm

    Thanks again Connie. I love reading your thoughts. Good to know I’m not the only one who doesn’t fit!! The older I get, the less I fit! Starting to toughen up enough to not care so much… Good reminder that it’s not all bad to not fit.

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