Home > womanly stuff > Attention deficit: what the Bachelor reveals

Attention deficit: what the Bachelor reveals

I’ve never watched The Bachelor till tonight.  I was curious about what all the hype was about.  wow.   What a outward picture of what goes on in the very depth of our selfish hearts.

“Look at me!”  Deep within we all struggle with that longing to be noticed.  To have attention.  To be looked on with affection.  Ok, maybe not “all” of us – I could be the only vain one out there….

What a great idea:  Take a bunch of women and let them compete for one man.  Here come the claws!   Women are already competitive with each other to begin with.  OH RIGHT!  I’m not supposed to notice that am I? – let alone say it out loud….

Watching women’s reactions when another women takes the “alpha” position can be entertaining, I guess.   Why would that entertain us though?  Is there some inner desire in all of us to be on top?   Do we get to live our dream of being “chosen” as the best in front of a bunch of others through these women on the screen?

Have you ever been the one on “top” only to be replaced by someone else?  Someone younger?  older? stronger?  prettier?  more stylish?  smarter?   more talented? What a sucky feeling.   When you’re on top, there’s nothing like it.

I was a teacher’s pet as a kid.  I took a lot of pleasure being the teacher’s favorite.  I hate to admit, but I still love being “teacher’s pet”.  I want to be acknowledged and esteemed as worthy.  I want the things I do to be praised because I sincerely put my heart and soul into all I do.  However, I know how out of balance that desire is when I feel others have taken my place as the “favored one”.

When we lose others affections, the feelings that submerge are anger, resentment, jealousy, feelings of inadequacy.  We can feel like we weren’t good enough and start to doubt the valuable contributions we bring to this world.  But where do these feelings really come from?

….. from not getting the attention we desire.

I’ve had moments where I’ve been “replaced” as the favorite and it’s done a wonderful thing for me: it’s revealed my heart.  In those moments I’ve actually felt God’s soft voice say to me, “I want you to encourage them”…. WHAT???   No way, God.   Feeling threatened, feeling unsupported and discouraged makes us want to treat others just the same.  So we withhold our support and encouragement choosing to stay miserable in our own selfishness.   If only we knew how much that person perhaps needed a friend or support….

Seeking acceptance and adoration from others is plain selfish.  “Feed my esteem”.  “Feed my self absorbedness”.  “Can YOU make me feel worthy”?It’s not the basis where a solid relationship can be built. (oh that lucky girl who gets to marry that bachelor guy)  It’s not how true friendships are built.   And as much as we think that our constant competing will one day get us on top, its very claws are destroying the very nature of God that wants to be cultivated in us.

Love never gives up

Love cares for others more than self

Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have

Love doesn’t strut

Doesn’t have a swelled heart

Doesn’t force itself on others

Isn’t always “me first”

Doesn’t fly off the handle

Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others

Doesn’t revel when others grovel

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth

Puts up with anything

Trusts God always

Always looks for the best

Never looks back but keeps going till the end

Love never fails

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8 The Message)


There we have it.  That’s what God thinks.  That’s the aim.   That’s what will take us till the end of this life to finally even get a glimpse of its manifestation in our lives.

I know, there I go again with my over-analyizing right?   But if when we see how messed up people are in society and how it effects our children – I can’t help but wonder how much of  it comes from influences such as this that seep into our hearts like osmosis……  you don’t have to agree.

However, watch the bachelor next week with that list in front of you and get a whole new world-view …..

Categories: womanly stuff
  1. SJ
    February 6, 2011 at 11:22 pm

    Well said. I was always the least favorite, somebody was always chosen over me and people always noticed my flaws. One day the Lord pressed it upon me to always see the best in people and be the one to celebrate the accomplishments of others even as I felt unnoticed. Whether we’re on top or think and feel unnoticed the core issue is our identity. The Lord gave me this verse…. humble yourself therefor under the mighty hand of God and in due time he will lift you up. Being humbled by the Lord can be paainful I’d rather be lifted up and raised up in the Lords time because it’s in that place we’re actually building on a firm foundation to stand on. It then doesn’t hurt when we discover the guy we like likes someone else because they’re skinny and blonde and our weight is not what is our ideal and then one can actually laugh at the unrealistic expectations our culture tends to foster, and one gains perspective and instead of feeling rejected you take note that the guy is superficial with mixed up values and probably looking for Barbie and might remain single for the rest of his life as no girl really can live up to his expectations and he’ll always find something wrong and just maybe it ends up being his loss ….. ok done my rant! Life is sweeter and inner security brings out beauty that is not there otherwise. I never got into the bachelor, I can’t stand watching the girls compete on the show.

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