The gaze

Favorite part of my day; sitting on the rocking chair with my 3 month old smiling at him and seeing him smile back at me.  His eyes are full of affection, innocence and joy.   Words can’t express how it moves my heart when he looks at me and coo’s out his little words.


I didn’t know babies could be like this.  Ben, our 4 year old, has been “go, go, go” since he was born.  He didn’t sleep well at night and during the day, if we weren’t out and about, he was miserable.  Ben has moved Reuben and I to hyper-drive the last 4 years!   You can imagine the difference we’re experiencing with a baby that barely cries and just loves to chill out in our arms.   I am shocked how I can just sit there for hours with this little baby.    I love spending time with Ben too, it’s just different.  Ben is about moving and shaking! (which if you know me, I’m good with too!)  And Ben expresses his affection in the form of a super-drive arm or leg hug as he happily shouts “Momma Mia!”


What can I say?  The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.   Anyone who has ever teased me about being energetic laughs when I tell them about Ben.  I’ve met my match….  and as much as his energy, stubbornness and fearless attitude can drive me nuts at times, they are also the characteristics I love the most about him.


I’m thankful to have experienced this diversity.   It has revealed to me a side of God I didn’t get to understand before….


In the past I’ve taken a lot of pride in being God’s go-getter.   I know He’s proud of my visionary spirit – after all, He put it in me!   But my 3 month old, Christopher, has shown me how much God appreciates those who can STOP and adore Him.


“I’m asking God for one thing, only one thing: to live with Him in His house my whole life long.  I’ll contemplate His beauty; I’ll study at His feet. (King David – from Psalm 27:4)

There’s only one thing little Christopher wants: to be with his momma or daddy in their arms (oh, and to be fed….).  His face lights up when we stop to converse with him.   He studies our face; he knows who we are.   When he looks at us, he’s examining our every feature.


This tickles me pink (does anyone say that anymore?).   I can’t imagine what that must do to God then!   When we stop the madness and just gaze at Him.   When we see Him for who He is and are left with nothing but awe.  When we trust Him with no thought of doubt.  Christopher has no doubt that we will give him what he needs.  He knows when he’s hungry that we’ll feed him.  When he’s spit up all over himself (and us), we’ll give him clean, dry clothes.  And when he’s given us an explosion in his diaper we’ll run away… I mean, we’ll change it.  How thrilling is it for God to be trusted completely by His kids!  How it must bring such joy to His heart when we recognize how wonderful He is and give Him our adoration and smiles.


Ben reminds me of the way I am with God.   Ben constantly questions me.  If he asks for a waffle, 2 seconds later he asks; “Are you getting me the waffle mommy?”.   Of course I am.  I’m not sure when this doubt started?  He’ll ask me a question like “How do I say ‘hello’ in french?”, so I tell him.   This is his common response to most of my answers to his questions: “No mommy….” and he proceeds to tell me what the answer is according to him (which of course is dead wrong).   Apparently he knows better than I….


Is that any different with us and God?  When we first meet Him we are so thankful for all He does.  We see how truly loving, forgiving, wonderful and true He is.   We don’t doubt Him, we have child-like trust.   We look forward to our times with Him when we can read about Him in His letter to us (the Bible) and to speak to Him.  Everything is fresh and new and we are filled with awe and wonder.


But then something changes…. we get used to Him.   Experiences taint us. People who claim to love God betray us and we then see God through a distorted glass.  Affliction, pain and sorrow visit us and where is God?
“Where’s my waffle, God???  Aren’t you getting it?”


But there’s something special about a child who can choose to trust their parent even when they don’t understand.  A child who still loves to sit on momma’s knee and spend time.  A child who feels safe and secure and has no doubt that their parent is going to take care of them no matter what.  Can we say DREAM CHILD?!   In the same way, this blesses God’s heart more than we imagine when we respond to Him this way.


One thing I desire – just one: to be with Him, live with Him, see His beauty for what it really is and learn about Him.


Sounds like worship that thrills His heart.


  1. January 14, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    Hey Connie,

    Great stuff again. I just have one suggestion for you. With the regular posting you do on your blog, it would probably be a good idea to go with a different wordpress theme that uses widgets and has a sidebar. This will allow you to list a menu of your latest posts as well as many other options you can choose from. It would help people to navigate your blog a little easier. I just think you have such great content that it would really be helpful if people could find your posts easier. If you need help, do not hesitate to ask.

    • January 14, 2011 at 5:28 pm

      Also, In case you were wondering my blog is actually a blog. I have just connected it to my own personal domain that I’ve paid for. So all the features that you might see on my blog are also available for yours 🙂

  2. Wendy Nilsen
    January 14, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    I have related to your posts this entire week. I feel like you wrote from my heart, Con. We have so many similar experiences! Jonas too is much like Christopher; and Gabriel like Ben. You have such a gift for putting words on how I feel. thank you. your blogging has ministered to my heart this week.

  3. Belinda
    January 15, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    Connie… your thoughts have really ministered to me this week too. They have given me so much food for thought and I wish I had replied to each one….I loved this one about gazing into God’s face and just marvelling at Him. Having just become a nana, I love looking in my grandson’s face during his wakeful moments and watch him watching me. He’s too young to know me yet or smile and that will come. I love sitting and thinking about God. I could sit and daydream about Him all day… thinking about all the things He has done for me… his kindness, faithfulness and tenderness. (Sorry no dinner yet Hubby Dearest…. been too busy thinking all day). Also I love how He makes me face up to the things I need to in order to change and become more like Him. I am glad He doesn’t turn a blind eye and let me get away with things just this once.

    You have a gift of creative communication and I have been greatly blessed by following your blog. I look forward to it every day. Thank you.


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