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waiting for happily ever after

To all my single friends,

 

What you do now while you’re single effects the rest of your life.  The. Rest. Of. Your. Life.   Wow!  Talk about pressure! …. haha, it’s really not that bad.  But the habits we create before we find our mate can either hinder or help the time we spend together for the rest of our lives.

 

I want to write a very candid blog just for you.   I remember being single and what it was like.   Wondering every time I met a new guy if anything more would become of our meeting, wishing I had a hand to hold when on a walk, feeling like a third wheel when out with friends who were couples….

 

When you’re single,  it’s a great time to get foundations strong in your life.  Things like: your values, what you believe, what you stand for and your faith.  If you don’t, you’ll stand for nothing and end up with a significant other who either has no beliefs either or you’ll just go with whatever they think.  This is bound to you “finding” yourself later in life and either sticking with someone you share no common bond with, or you’ll choose to leave them.    Don’t be afraid of someone rejecting you because of what you believe.  Trust me, you want someone who believes the same as you in many areas.  Not that you don’t have different opinions! It’s great to have discussions that challenge each other!  But when it comes down to the nitty-gritty of life – TRUST ME you want to be on the same page.  It’s hard enough when you are – I can’t imagine if Reuben had different core values than I do.

 

I remember when I was in grade 8 someone in our church gave me a verse: Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.(Psalm 37:4) They shared this to me specifically about relationships.   Did you know that this word “delight” in the hebrew (the original language) means to: “bend or be pliable”.   So if we allow God to bend and mold us, He will give us the desires of our heart – probably because if He molds our heart, our desires change to be more like His.  I’ve never forgotten that.  That verse continues to be one of the ones that have impacted my life the most.

 

After they gave me that verse, I decided to dedicate my single life to learning what it meant to allow God to mold my life into what He wanted.   Whenever I talk to anyone who is single, this is the number one thing I encourage them to focus on.   Use this time as a time for God to prepare your heart.  Not that you have to be “perfect” before a mate comes to you – but you’ve been given a precious gift of time right now.  Why not become all that God has for you in this moment?

 

I don’t know what it is, but I feel like relationships, QUALITY relationships have just gone down the tube.  It’s hard to find good role models of people you can look to as examples of what a healthy couple looks like.  Sad really.   And I find that those in the spotlight seem to be lowering the bar for young people.  That bar keeps getting lower and lower.   I feel the “love” that the media and music portray to us is completely self absorbed and selfish.   Today’s top 40 music really knows how to set the standards for a quality, life-long relationship:   usually meeting in a club, taking them home, repeat the next weekend (sometimes next night!)   I can only speak for women, but if you have a wandering guy or a promiscuous heart or an “in it for me” attitude, don’t think that you’ll be any different when you’re married.   Same thing with the guy you’re with.  If character is shaky now, chances are when life gets hard when you’re married, it will be then too.   That’s why its so important to BECOME the quality person God has for you now.  What you do with your life now will dictate what you will do when you’re married.   And the stronger you are, the more likely you are to last through the hard stuff.  If there’s anything we lack these days its:

 

PERSEVERANCE

COMMITMENT

INTEGRITY

FOUNDATION in faith and values

 

I have a single friend who has confessed to me that she’s attracted to “bad guys”.  You know, the mysterious type with the bad-boy smile (a.k.a. Jerk)  It never ends good.   And the sad thing is that while she chases these bad boys, a perfectly wonderful guy may be right under her nose!

 

I can’t say enough about having an idea of what you want in a spouse.  Sure the attraction is electric with a hot guy/girl, but are they the “forever” type?   Do they have a personality?  A nice one?  One that you connect with?  Do they make you a better person?  Do they encourage you in your faith?  Do you think they’ll stay faithful to you?  (did they break up with someone to get with you? ….. hmm…. if so, that could say something…)  Can you be  yourself around them?  Can you show your greatest weakness around them and still be loved?

 

This may sound old-fashioned but I prayed that my dad would like the guy I would marry.   I got to the age where I realized that my parents weren’t stupid…. (that was about 2 years ago.  Just kidding!)   My dad scared the snot out of every guy I brought home.   One of my boyfriends even threw up after meeting my dad!   I was dating a guy in college and after telling my dad about him ONCE, he told me this guy was only trying to get down my pants.   I thought my dad was nuts for saying that but…..turns out he was right.   When my dad met Reuben and LIKED him I thought; “Ok, I’m keeping this one”.   Parents are sometimes a good test of character.

 

 

I’d recommend creating yourself a bucket list you’d like to do before marriage.  List out all the things you want to do but may be hard when you’re married.   I love travel!  Now that I’m married and have kids, travel is harder and much more expensive.  I’m so happy that before I was married I had visited Australia, much of Canada and did the backpacking thing in Europe.  Such amazing memories and so much fun!  There are things you can do that married people can’t!  Do them now!

 

I know this is longer than most of my blog’s but I can’t leave this out: girls, don’t expect prince charming.   What I mean by that is: don’t expect a guy to solve all your problems, to take away all your self esteem issues, to meet every single one of your needs and wants.   Poor guy!  He can’t win that.

 

Remember this: If you’re not content single, you won’t be content married either. (for what marriage is for, see yesterday’s blog)

 

There’s so much more I could write.   I finish with just saying that the most important thing you can do at this point (and every point) in your life, is to delight yourself in God.  Allow Him to mold your life.  Let Him to be your foundation.  You’ll never get this time back.    Don’t live like the world promotes: to throw everything away just for a few minutes of fun.  Be all you can.   Become the best you can.

 

It’s your time.

 

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Categories: relationships
  1. January 13, 2011 at 3:01 pm

    Sure, being single leaves time to reflect and figure out who we are and who we want to be. But, dating is part of that too!

    -Lucky

  2. January 13, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    it sure is! And marriage…. and having kids…. and becoming grandparents…. it never ends does it? 🙂

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